Post Natal Pressure...

When James was around three months old, we were deep in his Party Animal phase when he wouldn't go to sleep at night. I was Skypeing with a good friend who was weeks away from delivering her little girl. We had been through a lot together and have always had honest conversations about life. She was a great listener when I was worried about having fertility problems and she was one of the first people who celebrated with us when we found out we were pregnant.
So when she asked how motherhood was going, the first thing I said was "I don't want to scare you but it's really hard. A lot harder than I always thought". I think I shocked her. She was expecting a rainbows and butterflies answer on how great it was and how perfect James was. And even though the second thing I told her was "But during the day he's been smiling and when he does go to sleep he sleeps until the morning", I didn't want to make it seem like it was all great because it is hard and nobody really tells you this.

We talked about the focus, while you were pregnant (especially for your first) was really about the birth. BJ and I spent four weeks going to anti natal classes that went through all different aspects of labour, drugs that you could request, creating a birth plan, what happens in a c-section and had a tour of the birth suites and spent only one hour on baby care. For most people the birth is a one day event but has the majority of the focus. While I think a lot more of the classes and support, while pregnant and once your baby arrives, should be about baby care. We really had no idea of what to do with this little person we so desperately wanted.

Unfortunately my friend found out how difficult the newborn phase is. We were speaking again, about a month into her daughter’s life and she was really struggling. Her little girl was crying non stop and nothing seemed to settle her. My friend confessed she also spent a lot of the time crying about the feeling of uselessness that all first time parents feel. Like me, she thought it would come naturally but when posed with a problem (e.g. crying baby or problems breastfeeding) she had no idea. Then she was playing catch up, researching the net, reading books and even hiring a lactation consultant/baby care nurse to help with swaddling and settling her baby.

Another month on she is coping better, coming out of the "newborn fog" and learning more about her beautiful little girl. Like me, she wishes she had focused more on learning about breastfeeding and baby care before, so we could have spent more time enjoying the newborn time instead of researching what we were doing wrong.