When we found out I was finally pregnant with James, I was hoping for a natural birth. I was open minded about pain relief and medical intervention but I was also hoping this would be a last resort. I still believe that inducing a labour and certain pain relief (like epidurals) can slow down a labour and end up in a c-section, so I wanted to avoid these. I tried to eat right, excerise and talked to BJ about my plans for birth. Then around 30 weeks I had an ultrasound to check James' heart (which turned out to be fine) only to find out I had stage three placenta previa. My plans went out the window. Iwas scheduled for a c-section at thirty-nine weeks, only to start bleeding at thirty-eight weeks four days, which ended up in an emergency c-section. I still had a great birth experience and was over joyed at meeting our much loved little boy.
When we found out about the placenta previa I was partly worried about going into early labour, having something happen to James and having a hysterectomy. But I was also slightly relieved. That there was no pressure on me to naturally deliver this baby. It's weird but even though I wanted a natural birth I was secretly worried I would 'fail' during labour and end up with a c-section. Now I had an excuse.
When James was eight months, I found out I was pregnant again. I was in two frames of mind, try again for a natural birth or go for a planned c-section. I had a look at the risks of a VBAC, spoke to a lot of woman that had had a c-section the first time around and woman that had a vaginal birth. And how would we organise James when the time came to have the baby. I decided the sixteen months it would be, between births wasn't long enough for me to attempt a VBAC so I was booked in for another scheduled c-section. Five weeks until my due date (four weeks until scheduled c-section date) and I went into early labour. Four centermeters in and again I'm asked if I still want to go ahead with the c-section. All I can think about is the risks of having a VBAC and I know I'm not in the right frame of mind to push this baby out. I ask for the c-section.
I don't whether I have ever felt judged about having a c-section. I usually make light about it and say something like, "I got a sunroof installed" or "I'm too posh to push" or give my reasons for the c-sections. I think any regret I had about it, in my mind, has been compensated by the amount of pressure I placed on myself to breastfeed both boys. But at the end of the day, my boys are here safe and don't regret how they entered the world.